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Friday, June 2, 2017

Pride Month Challenge - Day 2

This post is part of a series originally called "30 Day LGBT Challenge" which asks queer-related questions to be answered during Pride Month.  The original questions can be found here.

Question two in this Pride Month challenge is: Did you have any experiences as a child that might have foreshadowed your sexuality?

I have been into boys since I was little, so as far as just "liking boys," well, since I was a girl at the time that was considered hetero and therefore normal.  I did go through a thing where I kept considering "Could I like girls too?" and I'd always eventually decide "no."  Later I developed attraction to women by taking a good look at why I thought I wasn't attracted to women (which had a lot to do with misogynistic stereotyping if I'm really honest with myself, not to mention relating to women as a woman and relating to them as a man are two separate things).

There was lots of foreshadowing of me growing to transition into a man, though.

A great example was when I had a slumber party and one of the guests had given me this huge makeup set.  And all these little girls at my party were putting on makeup trying to look like divas, and then there was me, smashing the crimson red all over my joints trying to look like I was mortally wounded, trying to dress up as some sort of weird superhero.

Later, when I got the internet at around 12, my first screen name would be "Jack."  I would start taking on a boy persona at certain internet hangouts (both games and forums).

I remember when I was maybe 13 or 14 my aunt got me a T-shirt in the men's department.  For some reason it never even occurred to me I could get clothes from the men's department, and from that point forward I basically never wore women's clothing outside of very few formal-ish occasions again (not until I'd started transitioning, anyway).

When I came out to my mom, she said something like "Did you think we didn't suspect anything was going on when you were little?!"  So it was something evident to others moreso than it was myself.