This post is part of a series originally called "30 Day LGBT Challenge" which asks queer-related questions to be answered during Pride Month. The original questions can be found here.
Day 18: Something about the queer community you don’t understand or have a question about.
Oh Lord, here's a good one. Buckle up. You'll fucking hate it and probably whine on Tumblr about how problematic I am.
I find it baffling that people in the queer community have trended toward insisting asexuals (including asexuals who are cisgender and only have relationships with the "opposite" sex) are queer while also insisting that polyamory and kink absolutely cannot be queer identities.
Like people get so mad if you question why on earth these people even want to call themselves queer, a couple weeks ago I read the argument that the word "cishet" (an inoffensive word that just refers to somebody who is heterosexual and not transgender) is "weaponized" against asexuals. But if polyamory and kink are not queer identities (and I agree that they are not), then I don't see how asexuality is. None of these are sexual orientations (sexual orientation literally only identifies which genders you are interested in, it doesn't identify how or how often you like to fuck) or gender identities (because trans people have been a part of queer struggle since literally the beginning). I'm open to the idea that the definition of "queer" is changing, but the idea that queerness is available to cishet folks just because they fuck a little different than other cishet folks is astounding to me.
I have a really hard time seeing this as anything but appropriating queerness.
Most asexuals and demisexuals are queer. I haven't really found an ace person who is cishet yet, so I'm not bothered at all by things like, say, asexual flags at queer events... but I'm fine with leather flags, polyamory symbols, and kink wear at these events too! These can all complement a queer identity, but I have yet to read a convincing explanation why asexuality itself is inherently queer. It's really fucking confusing to me.