- He sees a lot of people calling themselves trans men who "look like girls," who don't bind, who don't want testosterone, who are OK with being considered/called girls, present as female.
- He doesn't understand why they consider themselves trans men if the above is true, stating their response is just "I wish I was born male" because "it would be easier."
- Therefore, why can't they just consider themselves girls and love themselves how they are?
- Are absolutely NOT OK with being "considered girls."
- Are nonbinary (perhaps they aren't even trans men) or have expression that changes (for instance, somebody could be a glamorous femme on Instagram but usually look more masculine).
- Were testing the community waters to see if they wanted to transition (in which case posts like this absolutely don't fucking help).
Also, and this is a really important part so pay attention, toxic trans guys never point this out when cis men do it. Furthermore, whenever I've changed my expression (on occasion I wear makeup, I reclaimed a lot of the clothes I wore as a woman now, I'm into things like femme hairstyles, femme hand and nail care, I'll even show my boobs off if the mood strikes me), they've never flipped beef about it because I still look like a man to a casual observer. A long time ago this led me to the epiphany that toxic trans masculinity has a lot more to do with passing anxiety than it does a real belief that men must be masculine. That's how come they emphasize hormones so much.
A lot of this is due to the trauma of they themselves being constantly misgendered for so long, denied things they were entitled to, and so forth. So like I said a couple days ago, toxic trans masculinity requires more nuance than toxic cis masculinity. But you can't just let it go that so many of us hold an attitude that is this fucking ridiculous and harmful.
But wait... there's more. After the borderline concern trolling entered some worse elements.
One of them went something like this:
- Ugh I'm so SICK of being called a "transmisogynist."
- I'm so SICK of people not being allowed to have different opinions.
But you weren't talking about that. You were just mad that somebody called out your femme-phobic bullshit. You're allowed to have opinions, but somebody's existence is not an opinion.
One of my favorites, though:
- They're called "transtrenders."
- They are suffering from internalized misogyny.
Seriously, transmedicalists/truscum do this shit all the time and it's like one of the worst things about them. If you use this terminology as a trans person against other trans people, you should know that this is language that was invented to describe YOU. Especially if you decided to transition recently, and by "recently" I mean in the last five, maybe even ten years, because there was a boom in trans people coming out in this time period.
It doesn't matter if you think you're "one of the good ones" who is a Super Manly Paragon of Cis-Like Masculinity. They believe all of us are a trend.
Again, there's a lot of anxiety in this. What truscum are afraid of is that their own access to medical care and respect is being compromised by trans people who don't want or need the same things they do. It's a trans version of respectability politics that, just like all respectability politics, doesn't do anybody any damn good. It's cis people who block our access to these things! If they don't have nonbinary and femme people to point to as reasons we're not serious about our transitions, they'll just find some other bullshit reason... something they've done forever.
- I agree, but there's only so far this discussion will go before claims of "toxic masculinity" are thrown around.
Don't be toxic.
Seriously. I'd never say that every single accusation of toxic masculinity is accurate, but if you're talking about it while agreeing with a post that obviously is somebody being toxic, what other conclusion can I draw from that?